


you can always find me

by Lizzen



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Surprise Guests - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:14:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzen/pseuds/Lizzen
Summary: The new rebellion works hard to rebuild.Poe works hard at ignoring an ache in his heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So many thanks to th_esaurus

///

There are twenty-nine of them now, not counting the droids. A few pilots, a few techs, a medic. The General and Rey. A wookie. The unconscious Rose. Finn.

There were about a thousand, something like a day ago. Poe wonders if he’ll ever have a moment to really, truly grieve.

*  
So much of their well curated intelligence is now gone, but they’re lucky to have a princess onboard to open doors. She’s moves with a certain purpose now, and he remembers how she jumpstarted two rebellions. The third time's a charm.

He thinks for a fleeting, unthinking moment how good it would be if she had an heir, someone to learn from her and wield power when she needed rest. How unfair the galaxy is, he thinks when he remembers. 

(“Poe,” the General says, “Help me with this.”)

*  
Finn’s on a mission when Rose wakes up, so he watches Rey visit with her. Hears snippets of the conversation. Finn’s name is said a lot of times, and Poe smiles at that. He likes that Finn has them, has people who love him. 

And something deep and something buried in his heart aches.

*  
It’s cramped on the Falcon and Poe longs for when they will have more ships, more room to spread out. They were about a thousand once, so not all of them knew each other after Crait. Now they do, and intimately. Some more than others: it takes a few days for Poe to notice that a few of them couple up, visit the ‘fresher, and come out together looking a little less stressed. 

Feeling jealous is the wrong word, he thinks. He’s happy for them, happy that in this hot mess, some are finding a little joy. He just-- he would like a little himself.

*  
He keeps waiting to see Rose take Finn’s hand, drag him somewhere alone. But it never happens.

*  
Poe is taking a shift flying the Falcon when Rey slips in, sits in the copilot seat. Pulls her legs up and wraps her arms around them. They small talk for a few minutes before she opens her mouth and says: “Finn lost your jacket on Snoke’s ship,” she says. “He’s really torn up about it.”

There’s a tell, he thinks, as his hand immediately touches his mother’s ring, hung around his neck. He sort of hates himself for it. Rey, of course, won’t know the significance; but it’s a tell all the same. 

“It’s just a jacket,” he says softly. 

“You gave it to him,” Rey replies, and with some feeling behind it. 

He looks at her and she gives him a sad little smile. “Talk to him about it.”

And then she turns and stares at the streaks of lightspeed. 

*  
They meet with a few allies who have a couple of ships to spare for them. The General eyes her few, her precious few, and divides them up. 

Finn and Rey are to stay on the Falcon. Rose is assigned to the ship in need of the most help. Poe is to join the General on the new freighter. 

There’s not much time for goodbyes, and Poe lets Rose take up as much time with Finn as possible before he crowds in. Gets his arms around Finn and squeezes tight. “See you around, buddy,” he says. 

Finn stiffens in his arms and Poe’s heart drops. 

(Finn’s heart is racing, having pressed his cheek hard against Poe’s neck; found the skin so warm.)

*  
They still haven’t talked, not really.

*  
The General reinstates him as Commander Dameron and sends him on a diplomatic mission to the Nikto to negotiate a loan. “Can I take Finn?” he blurts out without thinking it through. 

She gives him a look, more knowing than he’d like. “Lieutenant Finn is all yours, sir.”

And then she touches his cheek; something she’s not done before. “Come back alive.” And with something like mischief in her eyes: “And Finn too. Rey will cut you in half otherwise.”

*  
Finn meets him at the gangplank and there’s the widest smile on his face. “Hey,” he says, bright as sunlight. “It’s been a while since you and me flew a mission.”

And Poe could tell him the days since Jakku, but that would be a tell. Instead: “Let’s not crash land this time, buddy.”

*  
When they return, and with the credits they need for a small cruiser, the General shakes both of their hands, and gives them both permission for shore leave. 

It’s a joke, of course; it means they don’t have to work a shift for the next twelve hours. Which is a joke, of course; they’re both dearly needed in one way or another in their fleet of rust buckets.

But they agree to a four hour rest. “Do you want to celebrate in my room?” Poe offers and Finn’s eyes go wide. His mouth opens, closes. 

“I think I’ll just get some sleep--,” Finn starts before Poe finishes--

“--You can sleep in my room.” It comes out too fast, so fast that he can’t put the words back in his mouth, swallow them up and have never said them. “It’s a big room,” Poe offers lamely. “And you’re already on my ship, no need to waste time in a transfer to the Falcon.”

Finn sets his jaw and then nods. 

It’s one bed, of course, but a large one, considering. And when Poe gets in on one side, Finn gets in on the other. There’s a moment where Finn just stares at him, inscrutable, before closing his eyes. 

Poe doesn’t sleep, not even for a moment.

*  
When Poe does sleep, he dreams about what he heard over the comm. He dreams about listening, helpless, as Finn is caught on a mission that _he_ approved. And then, there’s the sound of a blaster, of a last gasp, and of a body crashing against the floor. And it’s all over. 

And it’s his fault.

*  
He talks to the General about it, once, after too much moonshine. 

“I have nightmares too,” she admits. “About the men I’ve loved.” 

*  
Another thing Poe dreams about: “You almost died,” he sees himself say. “You almost died and I never got to--” and he gets on his knees, fumbles expertly with Finn’s belt buckle and pants. There’s a weak sigh and a “don’t” that wheezes out of Finn, but Poe keeps going, keeps it up till Finn’s full in his mouth. Poe’s good at this, really good, and Finn shatters in moments. Poe smiles against his skin, puts him back together. Finds his way to his mouth and tastes him. “There,” he sees himself say. “That’s better, isn’t it?” 

*  
“Get your head in the game,” he says to himself in the mirror. And something like despair cuts through the air, filling his lungs. 

///


	2. Chapter 2

///

  
Before the evacuation at D’Qar, Jessika was on a mission to Naboo so it takes her months to find them. Poe tackles her as soon as she gets out of her small craft in the hangar, and hugs her with his entire body. BB-8’s at his heels beeping without cease. When he pulls away, she’s crying and he realize he’s crying too.

“Tallie?,” she says and he shakes his head. Her hands ball into little fists at her side. “And Finn, did yours make it?”

“He’s not--” he starts before closing his mouth. Looks at her with some semblance of composure. “He did.”

“There’s something at least,” she says and squats down to greet BB-8.

*  
There’s a knock at his door before lights out for the alpha shift. “Enter,” he calls and the door opens and--

“Buddy!” Poe says too loud, forcing the brightest of smiles on his face. Finn, on the other side of the door, blinks. If Poe had his druthers, he would just freeze and stare awkwardly at him for ten minutes. But no, no; he’s gonna be cool, _be cool_ , be--

He crowds in, gives Finn a friendly hug, and makes a welcoming gesture. “Come in, come in-- I was just--”

“You were going to sleep, I know, I’m sorry,” Finn says. He’s standing straight in the doorway and then makes three small steps into the room so the door will shut behind him.

A lot of Poe’s fantasies start like this, so his skin is tingling and his dick is growing hard. Poe madly multitasks by offering a drink and a chair while thinking of endless paperwork to calm his shit down. “What brings you to town?” he says, not knowing if Finn said yes or no to the drink and pouring two fingers in two glasses anyway.

“Medical supplies,” Finn says. And Poe’s mind stops, calculates, and considers this response. Medical supplies are transferred by droids in storage size ships. Not by--

“You needed to stretch your legs,” Poe lands on.

“I needed to stretch my legs,” Finn sighs out, seemingly relieved.

Poe settles into his chair; finding it all very sensible now.

*  
Finn visits him again.

And then again.

And then, it’s, like, a thing.

*  
He’s on a mission with Rey and seeing her fight is eye opening. Magically lifting rocks in one thing, being unbeatable in battle is another. They work as a team, blaster and saber, and cut their way through a squad of troopers in order to get to a contact. And she doesn’t even break a sweat.

Poe remembers being awed by Master Skywalker’s presence, even if it was a projection; but it’s nothing like watching her work.

The contact, once they reach him, is dying. Blaster wound in his belly, and his face is so pale. “Rey, Rey, I need to speak to the girl Rey,” he says. She gets close. Looks at his wound and then to Poe, shakes her head, and looks back to the man. “He told me to send his regards,” he says to her. “Tell her,” he stops to gasp out and then: “tell her I love her.” And then his eyes roll back into his head.

Rey seems to vibrate with-- with-- and Poe looks at her face: raw anger. She clenches her fist and various things in the room rip from their places and fall to the floor.

And that’s when he learns something new about Kylo Ren.

*  
“He asked her to join him,” Finn says quietly, the next time he visits and Poe can’t help himself but ask.

“Fuck,” Poe says, short and to the point.

*  
The General keeps him busy, so busy, and for weeks so he misses each of Finn’s visits, to the point that he comms the Falcon. “I’m sorry,” he says over the moderated channel. “Next time I can, I’ll come to you.”

“It’s a date,” Finn says back, and Poe flinches so much the comm tech gives him a sharp look.

*  
They gets some intel about a military leader on Pacm willing to talk, and the General sends Poe. He dresses like a rogue for this one, wanting to seem more rough and tumble than the General’s right hand. Keep this guy on his toes. He flies Jessika’s X-Wing down to planetside and is greeted by a host of soldiers and a very tall blonde woman. She’s missing an eye and has some burns on the left side of her face. Still, she is very beautiful.

She smiles at him, and he feels something cold down his back. This is not a woman who smiles often. “We’ve been expecting you, commander,” and she gestures him inside. He listens to her behind him, notes that she walks in a very even march.

Inside the base is an empty room with a chair in the middle. “Sit,” the woman says, and the soldiers line the wall. “We will talk--.”

Poe opens his mouth. “--about how much your princess will offer for your head.” And he straightens his shoulders, lifts his chin.

“She doesn’t negotiate--”

“It doesn’t matter, really. I’m afraid I know a little too much about your friends. They will mount a rescue and I’ll have FN 2187 and a Jedi in my grasp.”

The chaos in his head suddenly focuses in on two truths: “You have a spy. And this is a trap for Rey.”

“Clever boy.”

And Poe looks up at her, noting her height and considering what he knows and what he’s been told. “Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

When Phasma’s lips curve up into a smug smile, he shivers.

*  
“How long have you wanted to fuck FN 2187?” she casually asks after a series of messages have been transferred from planetside to the General. She’s wearing her chrome now, the trap being sprung.

“Excuse me?” Poe leans back in his chair as much as his heart beat seems to skip. The spy must be close, too close.

“You won’t want to when I’m done with him,” she says evenly.

*  
An explosion rocks the base, and Poe winces. A rescue mission must have launched, and they’re walking into a trap, and it’ll all be over and--

*  
Poe forgets what Rey can do, what she can accomplish with her hand outstretched and with the swing of her saber.

*  
Finn walks in the room a few minutes behind Rey, and raises his blaster, but there’s no one left standing. Phasma’s disappeared, which is unfortunate. Poe breathes out his name and rises from his chair. He can’t stop looking at Finn; his face, his stance, the power in his arms as he holds his blaster. The relief in his eyes.

Poe opens his mouth to say something really, really stupid and instead says: “There’s a spy.”

And Rey says, as coldly as he’s ever heard her: “We know.”

*  
“They got to her.”

“It’s a brainwash job.”

“The General hasn’t decided what to do with her.”

“I’m so sorry, Poe.”

*  
He visits Jessika in the brig. Stares at her for a while before speaking: “I’m sorry this happened to you,” he says, because he is. He’s so sorry. But if he hadn’t sent her to Naboo, she would have likely died in the escape to Crait, or on Crait itself. Better that she’s alive-- even if, even if--

“I’m not,” she says, resolutely and with too-wide eyes. “I serve the First Order with all that I have, even here between these four walls.”

He takes a step back, and hates the First Order with all his heart. “Fight it, Jess. Fight what they did to you. I need you back.”

“Back?” she almost shrieks. “To this forsaken cause? Think of everyone you lost. Think of _Tallie_. Think of her, Poe. Wiped out with all the rest of them in a moment.”

“Don't you dare say her name,” Poe says, despite himself. Trying not to be riled up. _It’s not her_ , he thinks. _It can’t be._

“The First Order is bigger, better. And they’ll never stop.” And she smiles then, a mirror of Phasma’s smug expression. “And they could use a good pilot.”

He freezes, horrified.

She continues: “I’m glad you came. I wanted to see you, I wanted you to know it was me,” she says before she does something with her mouth, before she-- _oh no_ , he thinks, before she bites on a poisoned tooth.

“Tell her,” she says, “tell her he sends his regards. Tell her he loves her,” she says with her dying breath and all Poe can do is gasp out a sob.

*  
He gives a debrief of the situation to the General and watches her face slide through a series of emotions; grief and horror included. “They continue to take,” he says. “And take, and take.” And heartache overwhelms him. “I want to strike them back so hard.”

“We do, Poe,” the General finally says. “Each day that we live, each day that we love, we’re one step closer to ending them.”

*  
Finn’s waiting for him outside the door and his hand reaches out, reaches out for him. Squeezes Poe’s hand so hard that it hurts. But when he releases it, puts his hand to the side, Poe feels bereft. Wants more.

It’s a busy hallway, but Poe pushes in, pushes Finn against the wall and grips his jacket collar. “I’m sorry, but please don’t stop me,” he breathes before crashing his lips against Finn’s.

Finn surprises him; kisses him back.

*  
“I don’t quite know how,” Finn admits when they make it back to Poe’s room, after having basically ran there. Poe’s a little breathless. “You’ll have to teach me,” and that’s when he grips Poe close and begins kissing him with a fierce kind of fire. When he pulls away, Finn looks so intense, that Poe’s toes curl. And he says: “--because I want to wreck you right now.”

*  
It’s perfect, he thinks, perfect how Finn learns how to grip his hips in just the right way, learns how to slide slick into Poe, learns how to thrust at just the right angle for mutually assured destruction. Poe hasn’t been fucked like this since the early days on D’Qar but this is, this is also so different. This is _Finn_ , and Poe always wants to be this close now; feel like one, not two.

*  
If anyone notices that Poe walks a little lopsided the next day, no one comments.

*  
When he visits the Falcon next, Rey is in the middle of doing some Jedi forms in the open area. He’s not seen her since-- “We’re going to get him, Rey. We’re going to kill him,” he says to her when she sees him, stops.

Poe notes the grip of her hand on her staff is so hard, her knuckles are white. “No, he’s mine,” she corrects.

He doesn’t doubt it.

*  
“I’m gonna blow you,” Poe says, with a touch of business in his voice. “Anyone ever done that to you?”

“Once,” Finn says. Poe looks at him, curious. “Didn’t love the circumstance.” He waits for an explanation that he never gets.

“Well, I’m really good it, so,” Poe says. “Get ready.”

*  
After, they sit side by side. Poe has his arm around Finn’s shoulders, holding him close. “We gonna do more of this, do you think?” he asks as casually as he can; nerves tingling.

Finn doesn’t look at him. Just nods very slowly and hums a “mmm.”

“‘Cuz I’m in a little in love with you.” Poe says and immediately regrets it. Too much, too fast, too real.

There’s a quiet that permeates the room and Poe wishes he were dead. “When did you start?” Finn asks, a voice so gentle.

“When you took your helmet off and said _this is a rescue_.” Honest words.

“Yeah?” Finn says. “For me,” he continues and Poe’s heart thuds. “It was when you gave me a name.”

*  
“I understand you’ve figured things out,” is all the General vaguely says on the topic of Finn. When he gives her a demure look as his answer, she winks.

*  
Poe watches Rey present a plan to the General, an idea of how they could trap the Supreme Leader, weaken him, and then unleash her; get her in front of him to end it. The General doesn’t respond to the plan other than to put her hands behind her back; it’s a tell, Poe knows. She’s interested.

Finn is there too, offering additional details that Rey left out and backing her up with the intelligence he’s been gathering. And, as he watches, Poe’s hand absently reaches up, touches the ring hung around his neck. _One day_ , he thinks, he hopes, and he smiles.

///


End file.
